9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I am one with the molecules
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
