My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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