My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
she peed on how many people?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
