i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
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