4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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