I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
