dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
