The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize