we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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