Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
