I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Randomize
