I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
