Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
