The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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