I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
