Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
