Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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