I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
