I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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