The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
