Pants 0. Shit 1.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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