Kiss
Puke
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
