u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
