8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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