this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
