i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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