So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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