omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
