i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
