whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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