Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
