And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
