is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
