can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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