I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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