dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
