I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
