He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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