Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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