my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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