we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
only if we run a train.
done.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize