Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize