Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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