Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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