Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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