I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
