xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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