Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
