my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
