Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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