i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
