Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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