you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
