im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
