i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
