I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
