saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
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