Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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