all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
