i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
