Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Ketchup is God's man juice
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
