Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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