words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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