a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
