alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
