woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
