he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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