It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
