So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
