Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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