why didn't you poke me back
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I think I died a long time ago.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
