You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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