Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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